...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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