Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I need help removing her.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
