new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
