This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
