Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
