she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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