she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
