he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
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I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
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When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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