hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
