he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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