TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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