End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
