i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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