It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Drunk is a universal language darling
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
