ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
