I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
