from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
