im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
