So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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