But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
