Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
