He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
