I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
