if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
