Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
