YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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