dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
