I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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