i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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