Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There's always time for handjobs
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
