his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
