Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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