so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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