It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
