I wish my penis had an off switch
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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