I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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