I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
