he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
