She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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