I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
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