All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
