Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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