Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Randomize
