That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
