i already hear my dad disowning me
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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