Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
