Moan for me like Helen Keller
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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