I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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