we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
honey bunches of taint.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
