I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
