my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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