I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
