the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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