Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
