i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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