My hair reeks of homosexuality.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Randomize
