She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
