i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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