70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
