yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
