"it" just moved
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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