New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Bring me that man meat
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
