the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
