My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
did you just send me my own nude
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
