its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
