My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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