your parents love me but you hate me
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I can text with my tongue
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
