I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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