im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
