my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
