Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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