He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
this boner is exhausting
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
