Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
