Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
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Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
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I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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